No update tomorrow: Changing Servers

Hello there highly valued reader who enjoys this site because (let’s face it) you’re a bad person. And that’s a fact I cherish.

But enough sweet talk, there isn’t going to be an update tomorrow, as I’m changing servers. So don’t delete this bookmark, or uninstall that Fucked Up Android app, cause we’ll be right back with our regularly scheduled bullshit on Wednesday.


Praise Modders: You Can Kill Children In Skyrim Now

More on this picture after Skyrim talk….

And no I’m not talking about killing the innocent blood thirsty little girl from yesterday…guards already dealt with that bitch.

PC gamers have been resenting the fact that you couldn’t kill children in The Elder Scrolls 5: Skyrim since back in September (months before the game released) some calling the game ‘broken’ because of the lack of potential child homicide in the game.

So leave it to PC wizards, a patch for kid killing is now available on Skyrim Nexus (you’ll need to create an account)

The  mod does come with a benefit for you kid lovers out there, an unexpected unintentional bug let’s you play as children in Skyrim, that’s right if you create a new character with the mod enabled, you can create a child character. (also remind me not to italicize “lovers” after kid ever again, makes you people look like pedophiles)

Speaking of which keep reading so you don’t accidentally look at child pornography, as I just did.

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Halo Helljumper: The Free Hollywood Class Halo Web Series

Now that’s pretty epic

Straight up, I’m not a Halo fan, nothing personal (besides my only experience with it being killed at a friends house) I just haven’t experienced it enough to judge it one way or another. That being said, this new fan created Halo web series looks intense, mix in war drama, lots of action, and Halo’s own brand of sci-fi; serve it in a gritty realistic environment, and you’ve got Halo Helljumper.

“Halo Helljumper is a short series of films that follows the life of one human ODST from his enlistment in the UNSC before the Human-Covenant War to around the Fall of Reach. Unlike a lot of soldiers, he was lucky enough to survive through 27 years of a losing battle against a hostile alien civilization, known as the Covenant. Through his experiences, we’re going to expose you to an amazing universe full of devastation, grief, affection, and most importantly, hope.”

Good stuff, Hollywood can take it’s mindless action films, and go blow a goat; we’ll watch free fan created films that actually attempt to tell a an emotional story. Though I probably should wait till at least an episode of this comes out before proceeding to shit all over the multi-billion dollar film industry in favor of a web-series with a pretty trailer.

16,000 Modern Warfare 3 Cheaters Banned

Ok so I’m gonna come right out, and partially blame the developers for some of this, why the fuck would you allow people to stand on top of signs, and other objects only a cat could manage?

That didn’t take long did it? Game’s been out a couple weeks, and 16 thousand can’t play the main attraction to the game anymore. That being said, some of these look sorta unfair; when a gamers able to exploit an obviously broken system (that shouldn’t be broken) then they feel sorta entitled to take advantage of that. I totally understand that there are some bugs that a developer couldn’t possibly foresee, but (as you’ll see in the video) some of these are exploits that a genuinely clueless person might figure out, and chock up to them being extra clever, should someone like that really be banned along with cheaters altering code, or those taking advantage of advanced glitches that are clearly unintended?

Even amongst the blood soaked battlefield there’s grey areas.

Pokemon In Real Life!

Meterosexual hipster wants to fight!

When I was a kid I dreamt of the Pokemon universe becoming a reality (fuck you I would of become a Pokemon master…and I was like 7) but what I didn’t realize then was how god damn irritating that would be, between: meterosexual hipsters forcing me to spend 1on1 time with them, old people putting me down, and rows of people waiting to ‘poke-battle’ me, I probably would of snapped (or punched the old man in the neck)

So enjoy this very ‘animated’ dark, and funny live action portrayal of what it would be like to have Pokemon in real life, and then keep reading for parts 2, and 3 of ‘Pokemon In Real Life’

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Killzone 4 In The Works?

What’s cooler than badass looking space fascists?

Some of you may have heard that Guerilla Games the guys behind the Killzone franchise were working on a completely new franchise after Killzone 3, but according to EDGE magazine that isn’t the case at all:

The bulk of Guerrilla’s staff (is soldiering) on with the next Killzone installment, [with Senior Producer Steven Ter Heide retaining the position as] game director on the current Killzone project.

Now the tricky thing here is that the Ps3, and Xbox 360 are coming near the end of their supported lives, and within the next couple years we’re going to see  the Ps4 and Xbox 720 being released, so Guerilla could very well be working hard on a launch, or early Ps4 release, and the report only refers to the project as “the next killzone installment” which could mean a sort of a new start for the Ps4. That being said; Killzone 3′s ending definitely hints at a follow-up IE: Killzone 4.

Personally I feel the Killzone franchise is a great concept that’s slightly under delivered, the whole series has an excellent Nazi Germany like sci-fi story, yet the games all attempt to be hollywood blockbusters that care more for action than story. Don’t get me wrong I loved Killzone 3, and it’s probably my favorite Sharp Shooter game, but the series needs to play off of its unique story more.

Adorable Little Girl Gets Slaughtered In Skyrim

To a child everything is a little more real, they haven’t become numb to the world yet, or as privy to fiction as you or I. That’s why this video is hilarious.

If you know much about Skyrim, then you may be aware that the world is interactive in nearly any way possible, you can run a business, go anywhere you can see, or kill any character. And so in this video a villager is asking a little girl to leave a certain area “Nooooo!” she scream, and as you can expect from a little girl who’s being told what to do, she ends up mercilessly killing the villager; and so the guards come a’knockin.

The camera focuses on the traumatized little girl’s face as she’s sliced, and severed to death, and at that point the video goes somewhere between being completely adorable, and a sadist’s delight.

Interview With Sam Balcomb Director of ‘The Hunt’

Last month G4TV presented us with quite the Halloween treat, ‘Epictoberfest’ an event that spawned 3 free video game inspired short horror films. There was a Mario inspired crazy as shit film called “Kart Driver” a John Hitchcock like Angry Birds film called “The Birds Of Anger” but the whole event opened to easily the best of the three: ‘The Hunt’ a Duck Hunt inspired film that blended real life, and the classic duck shooting game, in a: clever, dark, grin producing fashion.

Now if you watched Rainfall Films ‘The Hunt’ (and if you didn’t you’re keeping yourself from something special) then you probably have questions as I did. Luckily for me the director Sam Balcomb agreed to an interview, where I could harass him with questions to my hearts content.

Keep reading to get a good gory insight into Sam Balcomb’s ‘The Hunt’

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Ps3 Users Unable To Link Saints Row/THQ Account To PSN ID?

I have good news, and bad news. The good news is you can strip a character down to nothing in Saints Row 3′s character creation, the bad news is they’re censored.

There seems to be a widespread issue where Ps3 users aren’t able to link their Playstation Network account to their Saints Row The Third/THQ account in order to access their created characters, stats, and more online.

With Saints Row 3 releasing earlier this week the issue is quite the screw up on THQ’s end, lotsa negative comments are to be expected, especially considering how hefty the character creation is; consumers could potentially log hours into this thing to get a character looking a certain crazy, or crazy specific way (and of course there’s conceited individuals like myself who’re trying to make the character look as similar to themselves as possible…it’s apparently against the law or something to murder people with dildo bats in real life, looks like Saints Row 3′s gonna be the closest I can get to that immoral slice of true euphoria for now)

The issue is the “Link” button beside the Ps3 doesn’t do anything. Moderator V-Singular is trying to blame Sony’s Playstation Network browser login, but Sony’s shit is working perfectly, the issue lies entirely on Saints Row 3′s site, the Ps3′s link button specifically, as all the other link buttons (Xbox 360(XBL)/Steam) are working fine. Here’s V-Singulars response:

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EA Taken to Court Over Missing Battlefield 1943 in Battlefield 3

Back at this years E3 EA promised Ps3 gamers that their copy of Battlefield 3 would come with a free copy of the downloadable PSN/XBL title ‘Battlefield 1943′

Then last month Battlefield 3 released without Battlefield 1943 to absolutely no explanation until after the game was in millions of eager customers hands. EA responded to this (on Twitter) by saying Ps3 owners aren’t getting Battlefield 1943 anymore due to the Ps3 getting Battlefield 3 map packs a week earlier (does anyone really care about having to wait a week extra to hand their money over to EA for new places to kill fake people in?)

So now EA’s being taken to court by firm Edelson McGuire who’re issuing a class action law-suit. They’re seeking the standard bullshit Lawyer “compensatory relief” but practically they’re expecting to land all Ps3 Battlefield 3 owners a copy of Battlefield 1943.

I’ll keep ya updated on how this all works out.


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