Category Archives: Review

FU Review: Duke Nukem Forever

Duke Nukem Forever (PC, PS3, 360)
Developer: Gearbox
Release Date: June 14, 2011
Size: Full disk (about 7 gigs)

The King is back, baby

Wow, just wow. I really don’t know where to begin with this review. Forever is one of the best games I have ever played. It’s got so much machismo that its practically oozing with testosterones. Just PLAYING the damn thing makes you feel like an alpha male… which makes me wonder what this game does to women. Continue reading

FU Media Review: Archer Season 2

Archer is a show about a “for hire” spy agency named “ISIS” Archer (the main character) is known as the worlds most deadly spy, he’s also the biggest animated asshole of all time.

What kinda shit can you expect going into any Archer episode? Lots of blood, action, dark comedy, sex, and Archer in general fucking everyone over; Archer’s a very unique character with a great mix of egotistical personality traits, in a good looking package: he’s swave, he’s a horn dog, he’s completely self centered, he’s an idiot, he’s mind blowingly clever, all with a completely unfiltered personality. Continue reading

Mortal Kombat 3D Review

So how is Mortal Kombat in 3D? Does blood fly at you, do organs slap your face? Read on to find out. Continue reading

Oh Fuck It: Hydrophobia

Well, I had every intention of playing and reviewing this new game Hydrophobia: Prophecy… but I gave up on it. I heard some bad stuff about it and when I eventually got around to trying it I INSTANTLY hated it. I have no idea why! I didn’t even play long enough to put my finger on it. As soon as I developed a hatred for it, I realized that I couldn’t possibly write a non-bias review. SO suffice it to say that I don’t like this game. If tha’ts good enough for you then just pass on by. Otherwise, here is the steam page:

Hydrophobia on Steam 

Make your own decisions, draw your own conclusions.

Free smartphone Game: Yoo Ninja!

I always see Joe strutting around here offering you guys free games, so I figured I’d join in on the fun….mostly because I got a new phone, and have been enjoying way too many free games lately.

So the first smart phone game I’m recommending to you I’ve only been able to find on Android (I googled Yoo Ninja, and there’s a game for IOS but it looks like it’s a different game)

So what’s so great about Yoo Ninja!? Nothing really, it’s a fucking smart phone game which means usually crappy controls, and poor graphics. So how does Yoo Ninja! overcome these challenges? Well it’s a one button interface (tap the screen) to make the ninja jump, yet it’s able to stay very entertaining with quick game play that’ll keep you on the edge of your toilet seat (where the hell else would you play a smart phone game?) Continue reading

Socom 4 3D Review

Socom 4 is in 3D, and I’m here to tell ya all about it. While playing Socom 4 in 2d I kept on wondering to myself “Are these graphics good, great or just decent?” see at times the world looks beautiful, and the characters look very detailed, but then in a moment you’ll notice an overall graphical detail that isn’t up to par with games like Killzone 3, and Uncharted 2. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing because I did just mention arguably the two best looking console games. Continue reading

FU Review: Alpha Protocol

Alpha Protocol (PC, PS3, 360)
Developer: Obsidian
Release Date: June 1, 2010
Size: Full Disk

I almost died…

This will be brief… Like an execution. The other day I was talking with a friend of mine about video games. I was telling him about games that I wanted to play in order to review. He said I should review Alpha Protocol. His words hit me like bricks. Alpha Protocol! I had completely forgotten about that game. When it was in development, I was very interested, but as it neared completion, the press sort of fell away. This had evident effects considering I had completely forgotten about it.

My friend said “I have it… I’ll sell it to you! CHEAP!” His zealousness sort of worried me actually.

“I don’t…” was all I had time to get out before he said’

“FINE, I’LL PAY YOU. JUST TAKE THE DAMN THING.” We both laughed and he said “but seriously, you can borrow it.”

Got home, slapped the game in the drive, installed it, and started my playtest. Literally 10 minutes later I was uninstalling it, red faced, and angry as fuck.

This is undoubtedly one of the worst games I have ever played. It wouldn’t have been so bad if it was an unpublished $20 indie game, but to pay $60 for this piece of shit would have driven me homicidal. It’s a good thing for the neighbors that I DIDN’T pay for it. This games tagline is “Choice is your weapon” or something to that effect. Well it should have been “Choice is OUR weapon against YOU.” Your fucking DROWNED in choice… or, more accurately, the illusion of choice. What really pissed me off is how you are told that you can make your own choices, but when you exercise your decisions, you are penalized with digital sodomy. That’s right, if you step out of line, the game ass-fucks you.

On top of that, the graphics are shit. For being made in 2010, it could have been easily mistaken for a 2007… no wait, that would be insulting BIOSHOCK (made in 2007). I couldn’t bear to stumble through this game any more than I did. If it gets better, I don’t care. If a game doesn’t pull you in from go, it’s a failure.

Demo: Who gives a fuck?

F-0-Meter: From what I could see in 10 minutes… [***_______]     3 / 10

FU Rating: [*_________]     1 / 10 and im only being that generous because it didn’t crash.

Final Verdict: Avoid at all costs. PERIOD.

FU Review: Rush’n Attack Ex-Patriot

Rush’N Attack Ex-Patriot(PSN, XBLA)
Developer: Xatra Games
Release Date:  March 30th, 2011
Size: 700 mb

An Unworthy Reboot

So, technically, this is a sequel and not a reboot, but when the last installment in the series was made in 1985, it’s a reboot in my book. That’s right! Konami made a game titled Rush’N Attack back in 1985. Also Konami published Ex-patriot. Coincidence? I think not.

Well I intend to make this review quick and touch on the high point, and all the lows. The high point is all the blood! It’s great! The killing animations and sound effect are so gratuitous. Unfortunately, there is nothing more than a little blood, and violent animations. Unfortunately, that’s where the goodness ends. If you put Shadow Snake into Bionic Commando, that would be this game. It’s terrible. The cut scenes are awful, the animations are putrid outside of the killing moves, and the voice casting is like a chorus of scalded cats. The real killer is the non-natural nature of the controls. They are rough. The straw that finally broke the camel’s back was the title. Rush’N? REALLY? Fuck you Konami, no one is folled. The fucking stealth game that TAKES PLACE in RUSSIA. Any game that relies on a pun for a title is already a pile of shit in my book. Might as well cloth the main character in a flag while you’re at it. I’m getting sick of these cold war era games.

Demo: Yes, on both networks

F-0-Meter:      [***_______]     3 of 10

FU Rating:       [***_______]     3 of 10

Final Verdict: This game is definitely okay to pass up. Save your cash for something that doesn’t get boring before the end of the demo.

FU Review: Zombie Driver

Zombie Driver (PC)

Developer: EXOR Studios

Release Date: Dec 4, 2009

Size: about 900 Mb

Mush some zombie bitches

Zombie driver is a mash-up of quite a few interesting concepts. It brings together all the fun of a top-down zombie shooter, an arcade style racer, and a mission based campaign. Now your first thought should definitely be, “the fuck? Top down zombie racer shooter?” That was my initial reaction too, but they made it work!

The story in this game is little to none, but there is one. There are missions, campaigns, side quests, money, unlockables, and upgrades! The game starts out with you in your taxi being instructed to go clear an area outside of a building and wait for the people inside the building to pile into your car. You then take them back to your safehouse where they reward you with $$ and sex! Ok, I made up the sex bit, but really, It would make sense. I mean if someone saved me from deadly zombies, I would probably blow them if they wanted! Apparently the developers have more scruples than I do though.

The fun part of this game is its arcade style gameplay. You can boost, ram, burn out, and shoot stuff. Your car can hold one weapon at a time though. I would have liked the ability to cycle through weapons… There are quite a few weapons with various advantages, disadvantages, and attributes. The missiles have a blast range, but you can’t hold very many. The machine gun has a lot of ammo, but is far less powerful than any other weapon. Each and every weapon has an upgrade tree that lets you make your favorites even more fun to use. You can also unlock other cars, also with proprietary advantages and disadvantages. For example, the bus can hold a shitload of survivors, but maneuvers like a fucking whale in a sewer. That’s another important think. Survivors can only last so long in their hobbles before the zombies break in, so you need to book your ass over to each location before the zombies get them. Unfortunately, you need to think before each mission… how many survivors are there, how many can my car hold, how far is each location to drive to, and how fast can said car go. These are a few important ones. Through trial and error you can find the best car for the job. It can get a little tedious at times, but the new equipment is always worth the work. There are a plethora of zombies to fuck with in this game. Hoards can get on the up sides of hundreds! Things get tricky when they get to close to you and surround you. Without momentum, you are fucked. The graphics and sound in this game are fine. No real fanfare, but definitely not a detriment. There is a lot of gore, but the camera is pulled so far back most of the time that you never really get to see it. The real shining point of this game is the ingenuity of the gameplay. When I first started playing, I thought about how much better it would be with a gamepad. I was thrilled when they released support for USB gamepads! Unfortunately, the controls don’t work properly. The game won’t accept multi-button input. I hope they fix this, as it would REALLY set the game ahead if it could be played with a dual joystick system. I truly think this game would play best on the consoles, but as the game is both indie developed and underappreciated, I can’t see a PS3 release any time soon.

Another highpoint of the game is its other features besides campaign. There is a top-down multiplayer and local racing mode where your goal is to be the first one across the finish line. The zombies act as road hazards and speedbumps. Another mode is Arena. You get to run amuck in a small area to see how many zombies you can kill before they total you and eat your internal organs. I really like that mode. All I all this game has immense replay value and can keep you entertained for an extended period of time for the price

Demo: Yes!

F-0-Meter:     [****______]     4 out of 10

FU Rating:      [*******___]     7 out of 10

Final Verdict: I love this game. It’s a permanent piece of my collection that I play on a regular basis. Its definitely worth at least demoing.

FU Review: God Of War Ghost Of Sparta

Price: $40
Format: Umd, Download (1113mb)
Platform: Psp

Thanks to Ghost Of Sparta winning the Playstation Networks Gamers Choice award for best Psp game, the game was half off so I snapped it up ASAP. I’ve played every God of War game (God Of War HD collection, God Of War 3, Chains Of Olympus) so I definitely know what to expect coming into a new God Of War game, because although the formula is usually only subject to upgrades, and never overhauls, stabbing struggling minotaurs in the throat is still as gory, and rewarding as ever. Continue reading


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