Fucked Up Games

Lollipop Chainsaws Special Sex Toy Edition

Exovedate — Sat, 19 May 2012 15:31:05 +0000

And by sex toy I mean beloved robotic companion of course (notrly)

Let’s get something out of the way first, Lollipop Chainsaw is not receiving a special edition, even though this humorous video above begs to differ. But what would you get if Lollipop Chainsaw were releasing with a special edition? Why a robotic full sized replica of Juliet Stars from Lollipop Chainsaw of course!

She’s controlled via a remote, and can satisfy you in ways you can only imagine…or she could murder you with a chainsaw; either way her face is gonna be covered in your genetic material.

Lollipop Chainsaw is hitting Ps3, and Xbox 360 June 12th.

Diablo 3 Makes For a Seductive Bitchy Woman

Exovedate — Sat, 19 May 2012 15:30:32 +0000

This hilarious parody somehow translates everything Diablo 3 represents into one smoking hot, enticing woman. But unfortunately for this guy the girl shares more traits with Diablo 3 than he probably would of liked.

Just a helpful hint for you to properly understand this video; for the first couple days of Diablo 3′s release a lot of gamers couldn’t even play single player, due to the huge server load (Error 37) a huge portion of players were obviously very upset that they couldn’t play the game they purchased due to Blizzard essentially adding always-online DRM to Diablo 3.

Metal Gear Rising Revengeance’s Final Viral Videos Released

Exovedate — Sat, 19 May 2012 15:30:22 +0000

What’s not to love about an honest senator?

I’ve been holding off sharing some of the latest Metal Gear Rising Revengeance teaser ‘viral’ videos with you for a couple reasons:

They’re mostly just awful
There’s been great gaming news lately that’s outshined these strange videos
I have almost nothing nice to say in regards to these videos, and you all know me, I’m a happy go-fuck you kinda guy
1+3=I generally try to diverge from negativity, after all you guys don’t have time for pissed off internet troll #7937598030975693057

So let’s start this off on a positive note; the video above (well audio clip really) is actually fairly entertaining, and interesting. It’s too bad politicians didn’t speak their mind openly while addressing the public, sure would make voting a lot easier, rather than our current culture where you’re voting more for a politicians writers, and campaign managers than the actual ~~puppet~~ politician.

After the break we have the final piece to the “Make It Right” viral videos Konami’s been releasing for Metal Gear Rising Revengeance, this one’s entitled “Sword” and in it is probably the most laughably cheesey torture scene you’ll ever bare witness to. It’s really hard to take the actor playing Raiden, or “Jack” seriously for a second; the man torturing him isn’t too bad though.

Free Dildos For Girlfriends Neglected Over Diablo 3 Addiction

Exovedate — Fri, 18 May 2012 15:05:35 +0000

Recently we featured a hilarious musical satire about a girlfriend who’s being neglected due to her boyfriends Diablo 3 obsession, and as funny as that was, this is (most likely) a very real issue for many loved ones living with a Diablo 3 addict.

And that’s why french sex shop Absoloo is joining in on the fun, and chucking a heaping helping of potentially constructive humor at the issue, by giving anyone feeling abandoned due to a lovers lost interest because of Diablo 3, a free small vibrator.

Absoloo said this on their official blog (translated):

”Your man has not left his computer since the release yesterday of Diablo III? Still a long time before you find yourself in his arms during a romantic evening, your man would rather go in search of magical jewels, gloves sorcerers, and other heavy war clubs to get XP points rather than engaging in the research of your G-spot and gain sexual experience.”

I’m guessing that’s sounds slightly more elegant in ~~frog~~french. All you have to do to get your free vibrator is post a Facebook picture of yourself holding Diablo 3, throw a message at Absoloo, and then they’ll send you a voucher code for a free small vibrator. Also Absoloo doesn’t discriminate against gender, or anything like that so if you, a friend, family member, or lover owns Diablo 3 then you’re a digital snapshot away from fucking yourself. So in a way, every copy of Diablo 3 essentially comes with a voucher for a vibrator, and that’s value right there my friends.
[Source]

How Assassins Creed Should Have Ended

Exovedate — Fri, 18 May 2012 15:05:18 +0000

“He’s magic!” “No, the guards are just morons”

Saying the AI in Assassins Creed is stupid is sorta an understatement, sure social stealth works in some cases, but when a group is chasing you, and you sit on a bench no one’s going to run right past you, especially if you’re sticking out like a sore thumb by being the only dude in a long feature obscuring white robe.

In this hilarious spoof HISHE points out nearly everything wrong with Assassins Creeds AI in moments before logically concluding how the game should have ended.

Call of Duty Hacker Has a Well Rounded List Of Offenses

Exovedate — Fri, 18 May 2012 15:05:09 +0000

170 kill streak? Nothin’ suspicious bout that

20 year old Englishman Lewys Martin earned thousands of pounds off a website he created to distribute hacks, and exploits for Call Of Duty, and that money wasn’t earned through advertisements, but rather via electronic theft.

You see, the Call of Duty hacks Lewys Martin offered came at an unknown price, each hack installed a virus that would log every key pressed by anyone using that computer, then send logs to Martin, who then sold the obtained credit card numbers for $1-$5 dollars on pirate sites (low prices are standard online for credit card numbers, as purchasing with them is risky/requires drop site, and CC numbers come in large amounts, in commonplace cases like this)

But what you might not suspect is how this young master of online manipulation was caught. Martin ended up under the cops radar whilet breaking into a school (which he had done several times previously)

Lewys Martin pleaded to the judge to let him finish his University IT course he’s currently enrolled in “which would allow him to harness his abilities for good and not evil” Martins defense lawyer claimed Martin is now “off the drink and drugs” reducing the likelihood of Martin reoffending. This isn’t the first time Martin’s appeared in court for breaking, and entering, so the Judge essentially said “fuck that, you had your chance” (in lamens terms)

Moral of the story? Stick to what your best at, if you spread yourself too thin, or else something’s bound to falter. This classic life lesson was brought to you by Adolf Hitler.

Diablo 3′s “Secret Cow Level” Revealed!

Exovedate — Thu, 17 May 2012 15:21:09 +0000

Diablo 3 does not have a secret cow level (the title is a bald-faced lie) however, Diablo 3 does have a secret level that serves as the spiritual sequel to the secret cow level.

But first some background, when Diablo 3′s gameplay footage was first revealed, many fans were distraught upon viewing the games bright vivid colors, which looked more akin to World of Warcraft, than any previous Diablo; exaggeration ensued as it usually does, leading many fans, and critics alike to relating Diablo 3′s aesthetic to: Rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns. In response the Blizzard team working on Diablo 3 wore shirts sporting the design above to Blizzcon in possibly the greatest form of professional counter-trolling ever conducted.

Present day, Diablo 3 is out; and the obligatory “secret cow level” is called “Whimyshire” it’s a beautiful, bright magical land inhabited by Unicorns, teddy bears, sunshine, and enough gleeful happiness to cause cancer.

Continue reading for video footage of Diablo 3′s take on the secret cow level ‘Whimyshire’ and instructions to open the portal to this magical cancer inflicting world.

“The items needed:
Black Mushroom spawns in cathedral level 1 ACT1

Shinbone is located randomly in the fireplace in leorics manor ACT1.

Liquid Rainbow is located from the Mysterious Cave in the Mysterious chest in the Oasis in ACT2. You will know its the right place when you save the old man and he opens it up. the spawn point is always the same for the event.

Wirts Bell is sold from one of the merchants in the city on ACT2

Gibbering Gemstone drops from Chiltara in the caverns of frost ACT3(The area where you destroy the ballistae) if you get Ice caverns exit out and start a new game. The mob itself is random.

The plans drops randomly from Izual on ACT4.

Opening the portal I will leave that up to you.”

Thanks to Battle.net forum member Zerofire for opening the portal, posting the instructions, and shooting the video above!

PC VS Console Gamers Parody

Exovedate — Thu, 17 May 2012 15:20:31 +0000

“How do you know so much computer jargon, but not know you can’t put a computer in a bag of ice?!”

Ever since Steam made PC gaming…relevant again, PC gamers have been touting the benefit of their higher end platform in console gamers faces, often equating Ps3, or Xbox 360 players to a lower more casual breed of gamer (not unlike the way we all JUSTIFIABLY mock Facebook/Smart Phone gaming)

But of course there’s pros, and cons to whichever avenue of gaming you spend your hard earned cash on. PC gaming may have better graphics, and modding, but it’s more expensive to set up a powerful rig, and PC gamers don’t have access to the diverse umbrella of Playstation exclusive games the Ps3 enjoys (same would go for Wii, as Nintendo has an almost equally powerful list of developers under its all encompassing Nintendo brand, but Wii is easy to emulate on the PC, and Xbox 360 isn’t worth mentioning as it has few exclusives, and many of those ‘exclusives’ are on PC)

In this funny over the top satire about the division between PC, and console gamers we see a group of friends not so tragically torn apart by the PC menace.

Also the video gets +1 from me for using Disturbed’s “Down With The Sickness” twice briefly.

Max Payne 3 Gets Free “Gorilla Warfare Pack” DLC

Exovedate — Thu, 17 May 2012 15:19:18 +0000

Free DLC is always such a great good will gesture on behalf of developers towards their legions of fans, and it often helps push gamers into eventually buying the inevitable paid DLC.

Such is the case with Max Payne 3, as Rockstar has released the “Gorilla Warfare Pack” on PSN, and XBL for free. The pack contains 3 multiplayer items:

Gorilla Mask: Gives you a boost of extra adrenaline for melee kills from behind.
Lucky Coin: Gives you extra cash when looting bodies.
Booby Trap: Makes your corpse explode if another player tries to loot it.

The Gorilla Warfare pack is available now, for the Ps3, Xbox 360, and will be made available upon arrival of Max Payne’s PC release on May 29th
[Source]

The Last Of Us: Bus Ambush Trailer

Exovedate — Wed, 16 May 2012 16:42:38 +0000

In Naughty Dog’s upcoming post-apocalyptic title ‘The Last Of Us’ you’re not just fighting the zombie like fungus headed victims of the virus that brought about the destruction of mankind, but also other survivors.

Naughty Dog teases that a lot more info will be revealed at E3 next month; I’m guessing The Last Of Us is going to be Playstation 3′s obligatory incredibly impressive never before seen gameplay demo, similar to Uncharted 3′s flooding cruise last year, Killzone 3 in 2010, or God Of War 3 in 2009.