Tag Archives: art

Heavy Rain Not Getting A Sequel

1/4th of Heavy Rain was based on how shitty your life is, have a feeling a sequel would really fuck you over Ethan; count yourself lucky.

Heavy Rain isn’t getting a sequel because David Cage says he’s very stupid:

“Let me be stupid for one second; I’m not in this business to make money. I wrote Heavy Rain because I was excited about it, because there was something to say. Yeah I could make Heavy Rain 2, but I’ve said what I’ve had to say about it. That’s the strength of Quantic Dream, to have the capacity to create new ideas, to make something that breaks ground.”

Personally I gotta say kudos to Cage for this trait. I loved Heavy Rain, but it was a very self contained adventure that didn’t need expansion (beyond that cancelled prequel DLC, that woulda been nice)

On the other hand I love Heavy Rain, and although I’m looking forward to whatever the hell Quantic Dream is working on next (Fiv5?, Infraworld?) I’m sort of afraid that they can’t come up with a better concept (for my own twisted mind) than a psychological murder mystery about a child abductor, how do you top something that dark? We’ll keep ya updated on Quantic Dream’s next project as details are officially, or unofficially revealed.

1/3rd Of Heavy Rain’s Sales Lost To Gamestop?

I got totally gypped dude! Oh and my son’s dead, kidnapped or sodomized by a clown or something.

Ethan Mars should put a bell on his kids, seriously. Oh right the 1/3rd of sales lost. So Quantic Dream‘s critically acclaimed Heavy Rain sold about 2 million copies, which is actually pretty awesome for such a different new exclusive I.P. But it turns out Continue reading

FU Review: The Ball

The Ball (PC)
Studio: Teotl
Size: 1.5 gigs (download)
Release: October 26, 2010

Ever wanted to go bowling in Egypt?

This may very well be the under-sung Indie game of the century. The Ball is a conceptual pseudo-shooter puzzle game set in Egypt. The Ball starts out with your character, an archaeologist, being lowered into a giant hole. Immediately after you hit the bottom of the shaft, the winch breaks. Your stuck. Your character does logical thing for an archaeologist to do while stuck in recently uncovered underground ruins. After you walk a small distance, you come across a weird gun-type thingie. It has two functions. Left-click spins a gear and charges up a hammer. Upon release the hammer strikes forward. Second function puts off an aura. At first it seams that the gun has no use. A little later you come across a very large ball. This is where the game really begins. The gun pushes and pulls the ball. The entire game is based around you playing with your ball.

A man and his ball(s)

I couldn’t resist the joke. The puzzles are quite difficult and often take several frustrating minutes to solve. There are traps for you and the ball. There are positional puzzles, accuracy puzzles, coordination puzzles, and timing puzzles, among others. After you play through quite a few of these and are starting to tire of the mindfucking, you start to see these shadowie figures dart about. Shortly after, the combat begins. Very few games have made outright combat as puzzle-like as this game has. You must bowl down the mummies with your ball. And thats not all. You can line your ball with mines, sprinkle tacks onto it, and light it on fire! There are many ways to mame.

The graphics in this game are muy excelente. Everything shines with well lit, high gloss, detailed textures that sing with enthusiasm. The physics are pin. The only thing I don’t love is the clunky combat. It can down-right piss me off how hard it is to kill mummies some times. But yea, thats my only gripe really. The game is rated M, but probably barely. There is gore, but it isn’t particularly shocking.

Never has killing the brainless, zombie-like, undead mummies  been so very fun. Below you can watch the official trailer.

Demo: YES! You can download it via Steam Or any of the links on THIS page

Fucked-0-meter:     [*****_____]      5 out of 10

FU Rating:                 [*******___]       7 out of 10

This game is a paramount example of indie loving. Its fun, inginuative, and highly original. You better play the fucking demo at the least. Its FUCKING FREE!

Resistance 3 Online Shrinks

Tis true! The R2 online player count was up to 40 people per match. R3 is going to have 16… You may be asking why? Well its because the developers felt that R2′s online was a little to frenetic and mayhem-filled, so now they are focusing on smaller, more focused, more tactical online gameplay. Anyway, Insomniac released this trailer that shows what I’m talking about. The chaos has been assembled and condensed so now, you can focus on outsmarting your opponent, as opposed to the old who-sees-who-first style.

Brink new trailer

I feel like a schoolboy about to embark on the wondrous adventures of summer! But then I look at the calendar and realize how much more I have to wait. I have been waiting for Brink since it was announced at E3 2010. Well anyways, its almost here… sort of. And on top of all that, those bastards keep throwing it in our faces with ingeniously well timed trailer releases. A new one was just released and follows this post I personally am very partial to shooters with personality. Art mixed with innovation turns me on baby. With its SMART (smooth motion across random terrain) engine, Brink will feature parkour in heavy amounts. My brother is a hardcore traceur so I am very interested in seeing how accurate Brink’s parkour actually is. It comes out on May 17, 2011 on PC, PlayStation 3, and Xbox 360.

Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness Episode 1

OTRSPOD 1 (PS3, XB360, PC)
Studio: Hothead
Size: Small, about 300 Mb.
Release: May 21, 2008

This little game has the longest title to date on the PSN. As you can see, it is long… Eleven words. Are they compensating for something? No. There is nothing lacking in this game. Its got action, comedy, inter-object sex, and hobos!

Shit just got real

Penny Arcade Adventures is a new endeavor by the acclaimed  Penny Arcade crew. They are responsible for a plethora of good things including their game news blog, comic series (acer 10 years running), a charity called Child’s Play, and their convention: PAX. It only makes sense that a group that this ingrained into the video game industry would eventually make a game themselves. So, The creative minds behind the comic got in touch with Hothead games, and they made OTRSPOD Ep 1 & 2.

I have both episodes one and two, but this review is only going to cover the events of the first game. As a reminder, both episodes can be purchased for the insane price of $3 USD ($1.50 per game) on the PSN.  I doubt you will ever see them this cheap again.

The game starts out with you (you create your own character) raking leaves in your front yard while a disembodied voice yaks at you about “dark evils” and so-forth. Shortly after, a giant robot pwns your house, and thus the adventure begins! You run down the street after the robot and after a brief tutorial, the player teams up with Tycho Brahe, a scholar of Apocalyptic Studies turned detective, and his exceedingly violent partner who fought with the devil, Johnathan Gabriel. The adventure is all shits, giggles, and LOLWUT? moments from then on. The game environment largely consists of steampunk-inspired, top-down (or other off angles), quicktime RPG combat similar Costume Quest. Penny Arcade Adventures is an adventure game which mixes 3D gameplay with 2D interstitials and cinematics. The gameplay consists mostly of seek-and-find puzzles, reminiscent of adventure games, where the player must collect items and return them to a character to advance the plot. They can also collect spare robot parts to upgrade their weapons. Battles consist of a real time combat system similar to the ATB (Active Time Battle) system of Final Fantasy Games, with context sensitive button presses reducing damage or being used to carry out special attacks.

Its great fun. The other high points of this game are the art and the plot/dialogue. The art is mostly hand drawn by the original comic artists. Everything is overly stylized and made to look like a comic its self. The motion graphics are quite neat, and the transitions between comic and 3D models can be almost awe inspiring.

The best part about this game though is the comedic story/dialogue. Its brilliant. The main enemies are little steampunk robots that commit tinny acts of vulgarity due to their evil programming. The… fuck fruit. thats what they are called, Fruit Fuckers.  They… yea… it gets pretty graphic. The hobos are a riot too. They like to urinate on things… And there are lots more comical enemies that will leave you gasping for breath, but I don’t want to spoil too many surprises.

So yes, it may surrise you, but this game is very mature. There is strong language, sexual themes, violence, blood, gore, and adult humor. If you do an overkill move to finish an enemy, they usually get blown into bits, erupting bones and blood. Its great!

Pwn them trash-monsters

Demo: No

Fucked-0-meter:     [********__]     8 out of 10

FU Rating:                  [*******___]     7 out of 10

Final verdict: This is a fun little game. Its great for people who like RPG’s and fans of Penny Arcade. For people unfamiliar with the world of Penny Arcade, this can make you feel a little lost. But on the other hand, it may prompt you to look into the world of Penny Arcade, thus opening up a world of entertainment.

FU Review: Crysis 2

Crysis 2 (PC, PC3, XB360)
Studio: Crytek
Size: Full (disc game)
Release: March 22, 2011

Crytek’s latest PC punishing title is yet another incredible game in a series of industry-revolutionizing games. In those respects, it doesn’t disappoint. It is revolutionary, and it did make my computer cry for mercy.

Fuck shit up, bionically

Crysis starts off with you playing as a marine… you are quickly pwned by unnamed forces, and as you are fading in and out of consciousness, you see the Crysis dude fuck up an aerial assault unit with some big ass gun. After that, you do some weird flashback/parallel event thing, and now you are the Crysis dude. Starting out, you are in a building with bins full of corpses. After that, you play through the integrated tutorial all the while the game is setting the stage for the coming adventure by putting questions into your head that only playing on can answer. The story is thick and immersible and doesn’t reveal any secrets before it is time to do so.  It keeps you guessing. From what I gather with my hands-on time, you are in NYC after some catastrophe that has rendered New York a no-go zone, populated by corpses, PMC’s and you. Here is a hint, the PMC’s don’t like you. So at the beginning, you are lead to believe that it’s some sort of virus outbreak, but that beckons the question: why are you and the PMCs ok? Also, I don’t know where this fits in, but I heard there were aliens…

Crysis has some awesome features, such as the ability to pick up and throw almost any small object. The stealth engine is pin-perfect.  Its not like in Borderlands where if you can see your target, they know where you are. In Crysis, you can sneak up on your target and do a silent kill with your invisibility boon. Thats another high point of this game. This game suits may playing styles: weather you own at cover shooters, run-and-guns, stealth games, or CoD style stuff; you can play to your style in Crysis. The map layouts are varied and give you the ability to experiment with sniper-style gunning or sneaking around. Hell, for the most part, you don’t even have to kill anyone!

Additionally, the subtle nuances of this game are quite nice. The rendering filters set the mood for each scene, with coloring alteration, particle effects, and in-depth lighting coordination. NPC dialogue is insightful and actually worth listening to. It can actually give you an edge in the game, or help you understand the plot. The graphics themselves are just incredible. I couldn’t even play this on the best setting on my ass-whooping PC (i technically could play it, but the frame rate was too low for my liking). Crysis 2 would be very interesting to see on the consoles because the fixed nature of the platform gives the devs a better ability to optimize the game for optimum looks and playability. I usually don’t mention audio, as it usually isn’t a highpoint, but in Crysis, it IS worth mentioning. With well coordinated full orchestra compositions, its music that actually enhances the game instead of just filling your ears with noise. It isn’t exactly soundtrack worthy, but its pretty epic.


Demo: Yes! So far, only an online one on XBL.

Fucked-0-meter:     [******-___]     6+1/2 out of 10

FU Rating:                  [********__]     8 out of 10

Final verdict: Definitely a shooter worth checking out. Its as core a shooter as you can get, but more enjoyable than you would imagine.

Sexy boxes

Last year, Japanese gamers might have been surprised to see Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles packaged in a sexy black box, but there is a reason for it: all Wii games rated CERO C (basically Teen) and higher had to have black packaging to make them stand out.

As it turns out, Nintendo is carrying this policy over to the Nintendo 3DS. Super Street Fighter IV is white, but Splinter Cell is black. One wonders if this policy will ever cross to the western markets. It didn’t for Wii, but with a new system, you never know. I personaly would be delighted to see some (if minimal) variation in the packaging of games. Right now, its rather bland. don’t you think?

Sexy baby


Bulletstorm (PS3, Xbox, PC)     Studio: Epic Games     Size: Full (about 15 gigs)     Release: Feb 22, 2011

The PSN bequeathed unto me a magical token of love this last Tuesday. The Bulletstorm demo was released! TWAS EPICAL! HUZZAH!

This is THE most adult game released in recent months. This game is visceral, gory, bloody, obscene, and sexy! You play through the demo with 2 other NPC’s, one is a hot babe. I can only imagine where that leads. Anyway, the dialogue had me rolling around in fits of laughter. I mean, its soooo irreverent. At the end the main character calls you “dick-tits”. Bulletstorm is the pulp-scifi game I have been craving. It has HUGE guns, aliens, fucking MAD graphics and immortally fun game play mechanics. This really is the love child of Unreal Tournament and Borderlans in so many ways. CAN YOU TELL I’M STOKED FOR THE FULL GAME!?

So the game play is like this: you have fucking huge guns that shoot all kinds of mad projectiles. From the demo, my favorite was the exploding bolo launcher. Bulletstorm has mele assets thrown in (like the slide kick and the punt kick) that varies the combat up a little. The most unique thing though is your tether. It allows you to pitch enemies into the air, yank them towards you, and activate environmental traps. This game encourages original and combo kills. the more smooth and complex the kill, the more points. The more points you have, the sexier you will become! Ok so you don’t get sexier, but you do get bragging rites. At the end of the demo, we are promised online competitive and co-op modes as well as a story for the story mode! How novel. But really, who cares about the story? This is a gore-junkie game!


Bones, bones, bones

Price: $60

Demo: Yes for PS3 and Xbox 360

Fucked-0-meter:     [********__]     8/10

Final Verdict: An incredibly funny, innovative, attractive, irreverent, and enjoyable game. I will be first in line to purchase this on the 22nd. I advise you find your own lines to be at the front of because THIS GAME IS THE SHIT!

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

Amnesia: The Dark Descent (PC)     Studio: Frictional     Size: Medium (Downloadable)/ 2 gigs     Release: 2010

The title of this game should be “Amnesia: Scared Shit-less.” Its pretty damn scary.

The game can be summed up in a few words. I’m going to try and make this as short as possible so you can…

…get to the demo!

You lose your memory, your in a dungeon of sorts and your completely defenseless. Everything wants to kill you and you have to use your whits to hide, sneak, or outsmart your way through various puzzles… any of which can cause a very frightening death. This game combines cinematic elements, incredible graphics, and well incorporated audio effects to induce terror unto the gamer.


This is a reaction video worth watching:

Price: $20 USD

Demo: Yes!

Fucked-0-meter:     |*******___|     7/10

Final verdict: its a little on the expensive side, and a little short, but its really good for shock value. If you have the cash and an urge to be scared out of your ass, this is your game!


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