Tag Archives: Depth

Heavy Rain Not Getting A Sequel

1/4th of Heavy Rain was based on how shitty your life is, have a feeling a sequel would really fuck you over Ethan; count yourself lucky.

Heavy Rain isn’t getting a sequel because David Cage says he’s very stupid:

“Let me be stupid for one second; I’m not in this business to make money. I wrote Heavy Rain because I was excited about it, because there was something to say. Yeah I could make Heavy Rain 2, but I’ve said what I’ve had to say about it. That’s the strength of Quantic Dream, to have the capacity to create new ideas, to make something that breaks ground.”

Personally I gotta say kudos to Cage for this trait. I loved Heavy Rain, but it was a very self contained adventure that didn’t need expansion (beyond that cancelled prequel DLC, that woulda been nice)

On the other hand I love Heavy Rain, and although I’m looking forward to whatever the hell Quantic Dream is working on next (Fiv5?, Infraworld?) I’m sort of afraid that they can’t come up with a better concept (for my own twisted mind) than a psychological murder mystery about a child abductor, how do you top something that dark? We’ll keep ya updated on Quantic Dream’s next project as details are officially, or unofficially revealed.

1/3rd Of Heavy Rain’s Sales Lost To Gamestop?

I got totally gypped dude! Oh and my son’s dead, kidnapped or sodomized by a clown or something.

Ethan Mars should put a bell on his kids, seriously. Oh right the 1/3rd of sales lost. So Quantic Dream‘s critically acclaimed Heavy Rain sold about 2 million copies, which is actually pretty awesome for such a different new exclusive I.P. But it turns out Continue reading

FU Review: Homefront

Homefront (PC, PS3, XB360)
Studio: Kaos
Size: Full disk (about 8 gigs)
Release: March 15, 2011

Invaders must die!

Homefront is one hell of a ride. Its an intense, balls-to-the-wall action game that is frenetic, fast paced, and very much enjoyable! During my test-run I got to play through the first two levels and from what I could see, Homefront is every bit the game I have been anticipating… Maybe even more.

The game was written by John Milius, who co-wrote Apocalypse Now and wrote/directed Red Dawn. That says a lot right there. In the very first cutscene, the game gives you a very clear understanding of the predicament the US is in. Its royally fucked. North and South Korea have joined forces under Kim Jong Eils’ son’s regime. Over the span of 14 or so years, Korea’s power increases as America goes down hill. It culminates in Korea occupying the US. When your player comes into the picture, he is being forced out of his residence by Korean Peoples Army personnel into a bus. As you ride down the street with several other prisoners, you look out the window at the horrors taking place in your hometown: Montrose, Colorado.

Homefront is a very aesthetically pleasing game. If you combined Call of Duty: Black Ops with Resistance 2, Homefront is what you would get. The level design consists of you fighting your way through back yards, destroyed houses, urban streets, and any shit left in the wake. In one area, I had to walk through a destroyed airplane IN someones back yard. The shards of metal and wiring jutting from the planes fuselage was very cool looking. As for particles and filters, Homefront didn’t leave them out in the cold. In fact, they are used quite liberally throughout the game. The shaders and textures are high quality, but not incredible. They are about on par with the bitmaps in Killzone (If you looked really close at anything in Killzone, you know what I’m talking about). As far as character design… its ok, but it sure isn’t Uncharted. Here is a pointer, don’t look at child models… You will find yourself wanting to shoot them. As far as gameplay goes, there are quite a few weapons. All of which are VERY satisfying to use. They look good and represent real guns. You get grenades and C4, but I think the best thing is Goliath. Goliath is a minigun-wielding, rocket firing UGV. You have a designator. he has the firepower. together, you fuck shit up and watch Koreans fly while screaming funny little death screams.

As far as the technical aspects of the game…. Well lets just say, I hope some patches come out fast. I did my game test on the PC and had a plethora of problems. Lets start with the audio. All the minor sound effects (wind blowing, fire crackling, footsteps) were WAY louder than the characters voices. Whenever I brought up the menu, it would regulate the audio for a few minutes till it would fall back into disarray.  Even though the sound equality was balls out-of-wack, they still sounded pretty good. The optimization was awful. I’m going to assume that its system-specific. On my system, I couldn’t hardly play the game on the lowest settings. Knowing that this must be bullshit, I pumped it up to full throttle and it worked great… I don’t even want to fucking think about how that worked. Other than that, the controls were tight and worked perfectly. For a cover based, headshot style shooter, its very important to have pin controls. If I may say, these controls were indeed pin. Everything snapped well, heads were easily visible, camera drift was well calculated. It was good. Over all (except for a few bugs that I would assume are specific to PC) the game is almost perfectly crafted. No falling through the floor like in Wet.

As for how M it is… Its M. quite M. While on the bus at the beginning, I didn’t even notice that anything important was going on outside until I heard a gunshot and blood splattered all over the window. After that, I noticed mothers and fathers being gunned down in cold blood as their child watched in horror. Screams and crying could be heard at any moment. Body bags everywhere. rotting corpses. The blood that comes off enemies is stringy as visceral. I didn’t notice any gore, but hey, it wasn’t missed very much. According to ESRB, you wont get any decapitation surprises either as the rating only contains “Blood, Strong language, and Violence”. There is language too. Everyone says Fuck. I liked that. Fuck is a fun word. All in all, this game isn’t as gory or disturbing as it is scary and disconcerting on a very deep level. I got shivers several times during my play. The game is scary because all of what happens is ENTIRELY POSSIBLE.

Demo: None. I doubt there will be one either.

Fucked-0-meter:     [*******-__]     7 and 1/2 out of 10

FU Rating:                  [********__]     8 out of 10

Final verdict: This game may actually be too much for some players. Its real. Its in your face. Its fighting in your fucking back yard! I advise this game very heartily.

FU Crystal Ball; Call of Juarez: The Cartel

Thats right! Ubisoft is working on another Call Of Juarez game. This one looks vastly more interesting as it has an epically unexplored story angle:

Modern day cowboys!

That pushes all the right buttons for me, I can tell ya!  Here is the Ubisoft press release

AN FRANCISCO – March 3, 2011 – Today Ubisoft announced product details for Call of Juarez®: The Cartel, set to launch Summer 2011. As the third game in the award-winning Call of Juarez series, Call of Juarez: The Cartel is being developed by Techland® for the Xbox 360® video game and entertainment system from Microsoft, the Sony PlayStation®3 computer entertainment system and Windows PC.

Call of Juarez: The Cartel keeps the unique themes of the Wild West intact while taking gamers on an action-packed adventure set in present day. As with past Call of Juarez games, Call of Juarez: The Cartel is from inception to execution, a Western shooter.

Call of Juarez: The Cartel has a deep and gritty storyline that begins with a fictional drug cartel bombing a U.S. law enforcement agency, devastating the building and killing hundreds of people. The attack is a surprise, leading the U.S. to believe that cartel members had somehow infiltrated federal agencies. In a last-ditch effort, the U.S. puts together a special task force to hunt down and stop the drug cartel. The task force consists of:
- Kim Evans, a gang-affiliated street kid-turned-FBI agent
- Eddie Guerra, a DEA agent with a chronic gambling habit
- Ben McCall, a brutal LAPD detective and descendant of Ray McCall from the original Call of Juarez

As the task force trio searches for the head of the cartel, they’re confronted with a variety of challenges that take them on a journey from Los Angeles, California, through Arizona and New Mexico to Juarez, Mexico. To complicate things further, Kim, Eddie and Ben each have their own personal challenges and demons to face, which makes for a complex and high-adrenaline gaming experience driven by a rich storyline evident throughout the Call of Juarez franchise.

Key features include:
- Three player online co-op with Kim Evans, Eddie Guerra and Ben McCall
- Gamers can play the entire campaign with each of the three characters; each character has his/her own unique story and ending
- Huge selection of weapons including pistols, machine guns, sniper rifles, anti-air weapons and more
- Wide variety of maps and missions including punitive raids, witness protection, undercover missions, and car chases

Additional information will be revealed soon, including details about multi-player and a twist on the three-player co-op storyline.

For more information, to view the trailer, and to pre-order, please visit: http://www.callofjuarez.com and http://www.facebook.com/callofjuarez.

I can’t fucking wait!

Resistance 3 Online Shrinks

Tis true! The R2 online player count was up to 40 people per match. R3 is going to have 16… You may be asking why? Well its because the developers felt that R2′s online was a little to frenetic and mayhem-filled, so now they are focusing on smaller, more focused, more tactical online gameplay. Anyway, Insomniac released this trailer that shows what I’m talking about. The chaos has been assembled and condensed so now, you can focus on outsmarting your opponent, as opposed to the old who-sees-who-first style.

FU Review: Crysis 2

Crysis 2 (PC, PC3, XB360)
Studio: Crytek
Size: Full (disc game)
Release: March 22, 2011

Crytek’s latest PC punishing title is yet another incredible game in a series of industry-revolutionizing games. In those respects, it doesn’t disappoint. It is revolutionary, and it did make my computer cry for mercy.

Fuck shit up, bionically

Crysis starts off with you playing as a marine… you are quickly pwned by unnamed forces, and as you are fading in and out of consciousness, you see the Crysis dude fuck up an aerial assault unit with some big ass gun. After that, you do some weird flashback/parallel event thing, and now you are the Crysis dude. Starting out, you are in a building with bins full of corpses. After that, you play through the integrated tutorial all the while the game is setting the stage for the coming adventure by putting questions into your head that only playing on can answer. The story is thick and immersible and doesn’t reveal any secrets before it is time to do so.  It keeps you guessing. From what I gather with my hands-on time, you are in NYC after some catastrophe that has rendered New York a no-go zone, populated by corpses, PMC’s and you. Here is a hint, the PMC’s don’t like you. So at the beginning, you are lead to believe that it’s some sort of virus outbreak, but that beckons the question: why are you and the PMCs ok? Also, I don’t know where this fits in, but I heard there were aliens…

Crysis has some awesome features, such as the ability to pick up and throw almost any small object. The stealth engine is pin-perfect.  Its not like in Borderlands where if you can see your target, they know where you are. In Crysis, you can sneak up on your target and do a silent kill with your invisibility boon. Thats another high point of this game. This game suits may playing styles: weather you own at cover shooters, run-and-guns, stealth games, or CoD style stuff; you can play to your style in Crysis. The map layouts are varied and give you the ability to experiment with sniper-style gunning or sneaking around. Hell, for the most part, you don’t even have to kill anyone!

Additionally, the subtle nuances of this game are quite nice. The rendering filters set the mood for each scene, with coloring alteration, particle effects, and in-depth lighting coordination. NPC dialogue is insightful and actually worth listening to. It can actually give you an edge in the game, or help you understand the plot. The graphics themselves are just incredible. I couldn’t even play this on the best setting on my ass-whooping PC (i technically could play it, but the frame rate was too low for my liking). Crysis 2 would be very interesting to see on the consoles because the fixed nature of the platform gives the devs a better ability to optimize the game for optimum looks and playability. I usually don’t mention audio, as it usually isn’t a highpoint, but in Crysis, it IS worth mentioning. With well coordinated full orchestra compositions, its music that actually enhances the game instead of just filling your ears with noise. It isn’t exactly soundtrack worthy, but its pretty epic.


Demo: Yes! So far, only an online one on XBL.

Fucked-0-meter:     [******-___]     6+1/2 out of 10

FU Rating:                  [********__]     8 out of 10

Final verdict: Definitely a shooter worth checking out. Its as core a shooter as you can get, but more enjoyable than you would imagine.


Bulletstorm (PS3, Xbox, PC)     Studio: Epic Games     Size: Full (about 15 gigs)     Release: Feb 22, 2011

The PSN bequeathed unto me a magical token of love this last Tuesday. The Bulletstorm demo was released! TWAS EPICAL! HUZZAH!

This is THE most adult game released in recent months. This game is visceral, gory, bloody, obscene, and sexy! You play through the demo with 2 other NPC’s, one is a hot babe. I can only imagine where that leads. Anyway, the dialogue had me rolling around in fits of laughter. I mean, its soooo irreverent. At the end the main character calls you “dick-tits”. Bulletstorm is the pulp-scifi game I have been craving. It has HUGE guns, aliens, fucking MAD graphics and immortally fun game play mechanics. This really is the love child of Unreal Tournament and Borderlans in so many ways. CAN YOU TELL I’M STOKED FOR THE FULL GAME!?

So the game play is like this: you have fucking huge guns that shoot all kinds of mad projectiles. From the demo, my favorite was the exploding bolo launcher. Bulletstorm has mele assets thrown in (like the slide kick and the punt kick) that varies the combat up a little. The most unique thing though is your tether. It allows you to pitch enemies into the air, yank them towards you, and activate environmental traps. This game encourages original and combo kills. the more smooth and complex the kill, the more points. The more points you have, the sexier you will become! Ok so you don’t get sexier, but you do get bragging rites. At the end of the demo, we are promised online competitive and co-op modes as well as a story for the story mode! How novel. But really, who cares about the story? This is a gore-junkie game!


Bones, bones, bones

Price: $60

Demo: Yes for PS3 and Xbox 360

Fucked-0-meter:     [********__]     8/10

Final Verdict: An incredibly funny, innovative, attractive, irreverent, and enjoyable game. I will be first in line to purchase this on the 22nd. I advise you find your own lines to be at the front of because THIS GAME IS THE SHIT!

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

Amnesia: The Dark Descent (PC)     Studio: Frictional     Size: Medium (Downloadable)/ 2 gigs     Release: 2010

The title of this game should be “Amnesia: Scared Shit-less.” Its pretty damn scary.

The game can be summed up in a few words. I’m going to try and make this as short as possible so you can…

…get to the demo!

You lose your memory, your in a dungeon of sorts and your completely defenseless. Everything wants to kill you and you have to use your whits to hide, sneak, or outsmart your way through various puzzles… any of which can cause a very frightening death. This game combines cinematic elements, incredible graphics, and well incorporated audio effects to induce terror unto the gamer.


This is a reaction video worth watching:

Price: $20 USD

Demo: Yes!

Fucked-0-meter:     |*******___|     7/10

Final verdict: its a little on the expensive side, and a little short, but its really good for shock value. If you have the cash and an urge to be scared out of your ass, this is your game!

All hail the Duke

Well I’ll be a horses penis, Duke Nukem really IS coming back! Now this isnt what I would call ‘breaking’ news as it has been known for several months, but its still new to some people. It deeply saddens me when I talk to people about video games, and they say “Duke who?” Well in this article you will learn everything you need to know about the Duke AND his balls of steel!

It all started with the self titled side scroller in 1991. Since then, Duke has been the hero in over a dozen games: the most famous to date being Duke Nukem 3D. It featured incredible dialogue (to hear some of the best, go here and poke around: http://www.soundboard.com/sb/solrosin.aspx), insane graphics, unbelievably deep story, and strippers! Ok some of that may have been fabricated or over exaggerated… but there were strippers! After that, things went down hill for our hero. His contract expired, he gained wait, and the people of the world forgot there once great hero. This comic strip by Penny Arcade sums up the general sentiment then and now:

Horse WHA?

NOW, 14 years later, the prince of awesome RETURNS IN (drum-roll please)

Duke Nukem Forever!!!


Now if you want more of a game review, you should watch this video here, it explains the game in perfect detail.

Zero Punctuation: Viewer’s Choice: Duke Nukem Forever

Long live the king, baby.

FU Crystal Ball: Shadows of the Damned

Welcome to hell. Prepare to piss your pants!

I’m not fuckin joking. Its very rare I see game news on the wire and say, “Damn, that actually looks scary.”  Now, I have played my fair share of horror games, and I don’t find very many to actually be scary, or even that grotesque for that matter. I wish I could find more pictures of this game outside of publication (i.e., on the internet) so you all can see the sick shit that’s gonna be in this game! Its pretty recent in being announced so there isn’t much to see. Though what news there is, WE HAVE!

The protagonist of this first parson shooter in hell is looking for his love who has been sent/whisked away to hell. The games executive director, Goichi Suda, has this to say about the character: “For the sake of his love Paula, he’ll go through fire, water, and even toilets to save her.” Don’t worry, I think thats odd too. Although SotD sounds great, it rings a familiar bell, one named Dante’s Inferno. I read the entire Divine Comedy (Dante Alighieri’s book) and I was not impressed with the game. Hopefully, SotD will do better at bringing new life to hell. Continuing on the Dante allegory, SotD seems to take place in the City of Dis, where the demons and the damned live. All in all, the game environment reminds me of (if you have read this, you ARE a sick fuck… like me) Jhonen Vasquez’s Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. In one of the comics, Johnny goes to hell. If you know that part… yea… very similar… If you have not read that, then go find it, NOW… and bring a puke bucket.

OK, back on track. From what I can see, this game will have humor in it. Albeit VERY sick, twisted, dark humor. At one part, the main character sees a vision of Paula headless, her body fumbling to find said head. When the body finds and replaces the head, Paula peals off her skin to expose a horrendous demon. Your companion, a skull-torch that gives you light, says “Demons are like men. They all want to get inside the prettiest girl”

From what I can see this game will be very mature. I see demons that have entrails spilling out of them, skin removed and only muscle exposed…. with those perfectly inhuman proportions to induce uncanny valley effect of terror upon the player. I see boobs. I see fucking huge guns adorned with skulls. I see booze. Lots of booze. I mean, God, booze is the only thing that replenishes your health.



Bet hey, don’t listen to me, this trailer says it all!


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