Tag Archives: horror

FU Review: Homefront

Homefront (PC, PS3, XB360)
Studio: Kaos
Size: Full disk (about 8 gigs)
Release: March 15, 2011

Invaders must die!

Homefront is one hell of a ride. Its an intense, balls-to-the-wall action game that is frenetic, fast paced, and very much enjoyable! During my test-run I got to play through the first two levels and from what I could see, Homefront is every bit the game I have been anticipating… Maybe even more.

The game was written by John Milius, who co-wrote Apocalypse Now and wrote/directed Red Dawn. That says a lot right there. In the very first cutscene, the game gives you a very clear understanding of the predicament the US is in. Its royally fucked. North and South Korea have joined forces under Kim Jong Eils’ son’s regime. Over the span of 14 or so years, Korea’s power increases as America goes down hill. It culminates in Korea occupying the US. When your player comes into the picture, he is being forced out of his residence by Korean Peoples Army personnel into a bus. As you ride down the street with several other prisoners, you look out the window at the horrors taking place in your hometown: Montrose, Colorado.

Homefront is a very aesthetically pleasing game. If you combined Call of Duty: Black Ops with Resistance 2, Homefront is what you would get. The level design consists of you fighting your way through back yards, destroyed houses, urban streets, and any shit left in the wake. In one area, I had to walk through a destroyed airplane IN someones back yard. The shards of metal and wiring jutting from the planes fuselage was very cool looking. As for particles and filters, Homefront didn’t leave them out in the cold. In fact, they are used quite liberally throughout the game. The shaders and textures are high quality, but not incredible. They are about on par with the bitmaps in Killzone (If you looked really close at anything in Killzone, you know what I’m talking about). As far as character design… its ok, but it sure isn’t Uncharted. Here is a pointer, don’t look at child models… You will find yourself wanting to shoot them. As far as gameplay goes, there are quite a few weapons. All of which are VERY satisfying to use. They look good and represent real guns. You get grenades and C4, but I think the best thing is Goliath. Goliath is a minigun-wielding, rocket firing UGV. You have a designator. he has the firepower. together, you fuck shit up and watch Koreans fly while screaming funny little death screams.

As far as the technical aspects of the game…. Well lets just say, I hope some patches come out fast. I did my game test on the PC and had a plethora of problems. Lets start with the audio. All the minor sound effects (wind blowing, fire crackling, footsteps) were WAY louder than the characters voices. Whenever I brought up the menu, it would regulate the audio for a few minutes till it would fall back into disarray.  Even though the sound equality was balls out-of-wack, they still sounded pretty good. The optimization was awful. I’m going to assume that its system-specific. On my system, I couldn’t hardly play the game on the lowest settings. Knowing that this must be bullshit, I pumped it up to full throttle and it worked great… I don’t even want to fucking think about how that worked. Other than that, the controls were tight and worked perfectly. For a cover based, headshot style shooter, its very important to have pin controls. If I may say, these controls were indeed pin. Everything snapped well, heads were easily visible, camera drift was well calculated. It was good. Over all (except for a few bugs that I would assume are specific to PC) the game is almost perfectly crafted. No falling through the floor like in Wet.

As for how M it is… Its M. quite M. While on the bus at the beginning, I didn’t even notice that anything important was going on outside until I heard a gunshot and blood splattered all over the window. After that, I noticed mothers and fathers being gunned down in cold blood as their child watched in horror. Screams and crying could be heard at any moment. Body bags everywhere. rotting corpses. The blood that comes off enemies is stringy as visceral. I didn’t notice any gore, but hey, it wasn’t missed very much. According to ESRB, you wont get any decapitation surprises either as the rating only contains “Blood, Strong language, and Violence”. There is language too. Everyone says Fuck. I liked that. Fuck is a fun word. All in all, this game isn’t as gory or disturbing as it is scary and disconcerting on a very deep level. I got shivers several times during my play. The game is scary because all of what happens is ENTIRELY POSSIBLE.

Demo: None. I doubt there will be one either.

Fucked-0-meter:     [*******-__]     7 and 1/2 out of 10

FU Rating:                  [********__]     8 out of 10

Final verdict: This game may actually be too much for some players. Its real. Its in your face. Its fighting in your fucking back yard! I advise this game very heartily.


HL2 Mod gone too far?

Fucking no! Too far? NEVER!

Well… maybe… this one is pretty bad. I was recently made aware of a Half-Life 2 source mod that has been generating a huge amount of controversy for its “sick” subject matter. School Shooter: North American Tour 2012 is a first-person-shooter in which the goal is to get angry, pack heat, and shoot up a school full of innocent civilians.

Is it tasteless? Yes. Is it offensive? Undoubtedly. Is it downright fucked up? Oh hell yes! I may just have to download this… JUST AS A PROFESSIONAL CURIOSITY THAT IT *Cough*

Eww.. Kid Brains

According to The Escapist, the only thing School Shooter has done successfully is to offend everyone. I’m afraid to say that in this alleged achievement, the developers have failed, for I (or we, because I’m sure my associates are interested too) am/are not phased in the least. In fact, I applaud the gall of the people in charge.

I like dark humor and I enjoy tasteless fun. I loved Postal many years ago when it first came out. I love dark humor. When I was wee high to a piss-ant (young) I used to watch MASH. For being so young, I believe that set me up to enjoy dark humor that makes light of death, though balanced with respect. I can understand how some people would find this horrific. Many people have been directly effected by school shootings. So I weigh this in equal proportions as artistic self expression as media, and as something that probably shouldn’t exist. So, if you are playing/plan on playing this, enjoy it! Just remember that it isn’t a fucking joke. would you want your little kids shot by some depressed fuck-up?

A mark of maturity is the ability to accept the immature. A mark of intelligence is to tolerate, perhaps even enjoy, the stupid. I’ve always believed that, and I stand by it. I believe it takes a lot more intellectual strength to think, “This is dumb and offensive, but it’s entertaining, so who cares?” Despite its dark premise, School Shooter might actually be a fun game, and I find it infantile to completely write it off just because of the subject matter. So take it with a grain of salt.

If you’re old enough to read this, there’s a huge chance that you’ve enjoyed countless things that have upset somebody else. With that in mind, where does one draw the line? Do we say “Well, war and cop-killing in Liberty City is fine, but rape and schools are totally off limits because we must think of the victims.” What about the victims of war and street crime? Why don’t they get considered? Once we start deciding some subjects are cool and others are off-limits, we start a chain-reaction that can only be ended with the eradication of all forms of entertainment.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again — if people stopped making things because they might offend someone, we wouldn’t have ever developed a culture to call our own. Progress in entertainment would never have been made. We’d still be watching Victorian melodramas where women couldn’t even show so much as an ankle without getting censored. And even those might upset somebody, so maybe we’d have just scrapped entertainment altogether. And jokes. And conversation of any description.

It’s not like School Shooter is ever going to be in the vanguard of a great cultural revolution. It is, at the end of the day, a simple Half-Life mod that is probably getting a little bit too much attention. However, its right to exist is something that we gamers, regardless of our opinions on art and social acceptance, should champion. Anything less than total support for this game’s existence is an admission that videogames aren’t allowed to be anything other than silly toys about space marines and hedgehogs.

You want videogames to be “accepted” and “taken seriously”? You want videogames to be discussed with the same amount of respect as art? Well, be a fucking adult and learn to accept that sometimes, art does things you’re not going to like, and sometimes it’ll outright offend you.

With that note, here is the download link to the mod. Remember, you need HL2 to play this. Enjoy the art, just don’t get a hard-on from it. You have problems: http://www.moddb.com/mods/school-shooter-north-american-tour-2012


FU Crystal Ball: Amy

Do you remember Delphine Software’s 1992 title Flashback? If so, you’ll be especially pleased with this news. If not, you should read it anyway, because this is a game that could be worth checking out.

Oh fuck, acne

It’s called Amy, and it’s being made by Paul Cuisset, the man responsible for Flashback and Moto Race. Set in the year 2034 and the fictional Silver City, Amy is about a comet that hits the Earth and causes humans to become enraged, violent monstrosities. As destruction and mutation take over, the protagonist Lana meets a strange, eponymous little girl, Amy.

Lana will have to escape the chaos and protect Amy from infected civilians, monsters and special forces units.

Sounds incredibly promising, but it also has the potential to be a glorified escort mission (as in care-taking, not payed sex you sick minded bastards), and nobody likes those. Either way, Amy is an intriguing little title that’ll hit the PlayStation Network in Q2 2011. I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on it.


FU Review: Painkiller Redemption

Painkiller Redemption (PC)
Studio: JoWood
Size: Downloadable (about 2 gigs)
Release: February 25, 2011

Prepare thineself to go to Hell… And fuck some bitches up!

Look at those sexy beasts

Painkiller Redemption is the newest title in a line of run-and-gun shooters that have you going to hell to correct some shit. The tagline for one of the games was “Heaven has a hitman.” In the Painkiller universe, you play through hoards of blood thirsty demons. By play of course I mean rip their fucking heads off. This game is gory, gritty, violent, and very satisfying.

Much like its spiritual siblings (Serious Sam, DreamKiller, etc..) Redemption consists of you playing through arena style, wave based combat with an armory of guns stored in your ass. You can flip through your guns at any time as you start out the game with all of them. All you really need to do is collect ammo, souls, and cash… I have yet to figure out what the cash is for. Redemption sports some of the most incredibly intense wave-based combat I have ever seen. You can literally kill ten-thousand enemies in one level. Its like a fucking mosh pit. Explosive weapons come in handy… The main upside to this game verses its predecessors is that you get to play as both the past heroes (or vilains depending on your religious affiliations). Thats good because each dude has his own set of weapons to fiddle with. Double the weapons, double the carnage!

Painkiller Redemption is hard. Its very hard… Ney, challenging even! I had to play it on Normal difficulty (I’m usually a Hard player). I feel shame over this. This game hath shamed me…

There apparently is a story that goes along with this game, but who really gives a shit? Apparently not the developers. They focused all of their attention into level design and spawn points. The graphics in this game are like something from the cutting edge of 2006. It doesn’t matter though. They are good enough. The pollies don’t jump out at you, and it goes up to 1920 x 1080 and thats all that matters. There is little to no dialogue or cutscenes to speak of. Likewise, there is very little cinematic effect in the game. No filters, no environmental traps or scripted assets, nothing fluffy. Its pretty bare bones. What is in the game is a chugging heavy metal soundtrack that morphs to the action at hand. I like that.

The gore in this game is pretty gratuitous, even though the bangles are not very detailed. If this game WAS to be highly detailed, the graphic gore would turn your stomach. But like I said, its 2006 gore. The enemies are kind of spooky, but not really disturbing. some are quite repulsive, but not scary. The concept is a bit blasphemous so if you are a bible thumper, you probably don’t want to play this game.  The weapon design is solid. All weapons have primary and secondary function which is fun, but you have to collect separate ammo for both functions.

what a small hoard you have there

Demo: Not yet, but almost all the other Painkiller games have one

Fucked-0-meter:     [******____]     6/10

FU Rating:                  [******____]     6/10

Final Verdict: This game isn’t exactly coming from a classic franchise. It isn’t exactly up-to-date. It isn’t a greatest hits kind of game. It IS however worth playing. That and its only five dollars on Steam!


FU Crystal Ball: Alice Return To Madness

“Alice? What have you done?” A better question would be “American McGee, where have you been?” Well he hasn’t forgotten his fans all together. He has apparently been working on a sequel to his cult classic: American McGee’s Alice. Back in 2000, an artsy dude named American McGee created a pseudo-horror game based loosely off of Alice in Wonderland. This game was incredible for its day (yes, I did play it, and yes that DOES make me better than you). When I heard that McGee dredged up support for making a sequel, I was thrilled. Alice Return to Madness will be nothing short of an acid induced gore-fest that will rock your fucking mind. Prepare for this game, because its so awesome, that it doesn’t even give a shit about you.


FU Radar: FEAR 3

So as you may (or may not) know, First Encounter Assault Recon’s third installment (or FEAR 3 as the commoners call it) is deep into production. Alma Wade is back to scare you shitless again! This time she brought a friend… Paxton Fettel is back to fuck you up. He is like Darth Vader on crack, yo. Watch this trailer and see the gore   =D


Stubbs The Zombie in Rebel Without a Pulse

Stubbs the Zombie in Rebel Without a Pulse (PC, Xbox)
Studio: Wideload
Size: Medium/Small, about 2.5 gigs
Release: October 18, 2005

“Stubbs The Zombie in Rebel Without a Pulse” is a hidden gem of a video game. I was rather shocked when I came across it. It should be a CLASSIC. A CORNERSTONE of zombie games! Its magniferent, unamilous, unbeliterably epical! Ok, but all my retarded joking aside, this game really IS the shit.

Look at that sexy beast

So Stubbs was made by the now Disney-owned Wideload Games. But, like I said, Disney now owns them. Thats probably why we haven’t seen a squeal yet. This game (for its time) boasted some firepower as it was programmed on the same engine as Halo. The first Halo, mind you, but Halo nonetheless. Even though its made off of Halo, it plays nothing like Halo.

You play as Stubbs, a dashing and debonair corpse who wouldn’t be caught dead… erm… alive…. without his fedora, fashionable tie, and a lit smoke in between his green lips. Stubbs is a nice guy. He really only wants to make friends, and by make friends I of course mean liberate the living of their cranial matter. The game begins with a bewildered Stubbs standing in the middle of Punchbowl, a futuristic utopia that sports hover-cars, automated menial workers, fully automatic gas stations (more on that in a bit), and big shinny buildings. Apparently there is a story that goes along with this game, but as I played through it, I detected no coherent plot. The whole prospect of the game is to eat brains, amass a hoard of undead, and urinate into drinking water reservoirs among other things. There are two really great points to this game. The first is the game-play. You get to fucking EAT people. Name one other game that boasts that. To accomplish this goal, you have a myriad of… organic tools. You can swing your arms, throw exploding guts, take control of people by attaching a disembodied hand to their skull, bowl with your own head, and blow out fucking zombie gas from hell. The best part of course is hearing the NPC’s anguished screams as you gnaw into their skulls and slurp out their cranial jell-o. On top of all that, the game has ADD and cant decide what type of game it actually is! At parts its a mele brawler, then its tank combat, then its a shooter, and it was even a DDR dance-off for a bit… it was odd though fun. I’m sure it changes even more, though I haven’t gotten to play the whole thing yet.

The second great thing about this game is the incredibly funny comedic plot and dialogue. I laughed all the way through. The game is set in the 60′s and is entirely made to make fun of the era and their views of how the future would look. It a characacher of the eras stereotypes: The dumb cops, jocks, slutty cheerleaders, greasers, mad scientists, and so on.  The anti-zombie-red-commi-nazi rednecks kill me (and Stubbs too, actually) with their racially discriminant slurs about “keeping out them foreigners.” The cops are dumb as posts. In the mall, you are barraged with incredibly awkward advertisements played over the loud speakers. The cut-scenes will make you cry tears of laughter! In one cut scene, two cops pull up to a gas station and tell the automated gas pumping robot to fill her up. To the cops dismay, the robot unzips his robotic fly and pulled out his metal dong. It humped the car slowly and masterfully… while talking casually to the cops sitting in the car. I think the developers like porn… just a hunch.

The downside to this game is the graphics… they are pretty bad. Its somewhat made better by the liberal use of video filters, but its still an old game. This little gem is available on Steam for PC and available on the XBL for Xbox 360 (even though its an Xbox classic game)

Demo: YES!

Fucked-0-meter:     [********-_]     8+1/2 out of 10

FU Rating:                   [*********_]     9 out of 10

Final verdict: You should play this game! Sure its old, but its a classic. If you like zombies or are an aficionado of old games, this is your game!


5 Best In Game Bangs

So I been doing a bit of research (for the blog… not my personal entertainment…) and I have found what I believe are the 5 best video game sex scenes of all time! I even went and found you all YOUTUBE VIDS! Now keep in mind that these scenes are from un-modded games. That means (with the exception of one) that the DEVS put this shit in here. Also keep in mind that all of these games are REAL games, not crazy Japanese imports. These are games that you can go to Walmart and buy (maybe not now though because some are quite old)

WARNING! If you object to digital re-enactments of sex, don’t watch these videos.

#5 LBP (2008)

#4 Mass Effect 2 (2010)

#3 GTA Gay Tony (2010)

#2 Indigo Prophecy (2005)

#1 Phantasmagoria (1995)


Amnesia: The Dark Descent

Amnesia: The Dark Descent (PC)     Studio: Frictional     Size: Medium (Downloadable)/ 2 gigs     Release: 2010

The title of this game should be “Amnesia: Scared Shit-less.” Its pretty damn scary.

The game can be summed up in a few words. I’m going to try and make this as short as possible so you can…

…get to the demo!

You lose your memory, your in a dungeon of sorts and your completely defenseless. Everything wants to kill you and you have to use your whits to hide, sneak, or outsmart your way through various puzzles… any of which can cause a very frightening death. This game combines cinematic elements, incredible graphics, and well incorporated audio effects to induce terror unto the gamer.

OMGWTFBBQ

This is a reaction video worth watching:

Price: $20 USD

Demo: Yes!

Fucked-0-meter:     |*******___|     7/10

Final verdict: its a little on the expensive side, and a little short, but its really good for shock value. If you have the cash and an urge to be scared out of your ass, this is your game!


All hail the Duke

Well I’ll be a horses penis, Duke Nukem really IS coming back! Now this isnt what I would call ‘breaking’ news as it has been known for several months, but its still new to some people. It deeply saddens me when I talk to people about video games, and they say “Duke who?” Well in this article you will learn everything you need to know about the Duke AND his balls of steel!

It all started with the self titled side scroller in 1991. Since then, Duke has been the hero in over a dozen games: the most famous to date being Duke Nukem 3D. It featured incredible dialogue (to hear some of the best, go here and poke around: http://www.soundboard.com/sb/solrosin.aspx), insane graphics, unbelievably deep story, and strippers! Ok some of that may have been fabricated or over exaggerated… but there were strippers! After that, things went down hill for our hero. His contract expired, he gained wait, and the people of the world forgot there once great hero. This comic strip by Penny Arcade sums up the general sentiment then and now:

Horse WHA?

NOW, 14 years later, the prince of awesome RETURNS IN (drum-roll please)

Duke Nukem Forever!!!

WATCH THE FUCKING TRAILER

Now if you want more of a game review, you should watch this video here, it explains the game in perfect detail.

Zero Punctuation: Viewer’s Choice: Duke Nukem Forever

Long live the king, baby.