Tag Archives: Multi-Platform

FU Review: Homefront

Homefront (PC, PS3, XB360)
Studio: Kaos
Size: Full disk (about 8 gigs)
Release: March 15, 2011

Invaders must die!

Homefront is one hell of a ride. Its an intense, balls-to-the-wall action game that is frenetic, fast paced, and very much enjoyable! During my test-run I got to play through the first two levels and from what I could see, Homefront is every bit the game I have been anticipating… Maybe even more.

The game was written by John Milius, who co-wrote Apocalypse Now and wrote/directed Red Dawn. That says a lot right there. In the very first cutscene, the game gives you a very clear understanding of the predicament the US is in. Its royally fucked. North and South Korea have joined forces under Kim Jong Eils’ son’s regime. Over the span of 14 or so years, Korea’s power increases as America goes down hill. It culminates in Korea occupying the US. When your player comes into the picture, he is being forced out of his residence by Korean Peoples Army personnel into a bus. As you ride down the street with several other prisoners, you look out the window at the horrors taking place in your hometown: Montrose, Colorado.

Homefront is a very aesthetically pleasing game. If you combined Call of Duty: Black Ops with Resistance 2, Homefront is what you would get. The level design consists of you fighting your way through back yards, destroyed houses, urban streets, and any shit left in the wake. In one area, I had to walk through a destroyed airplane IN someones back yard. The shards of metal and wiring jutting from the planes fuselage was very cool looking. As for particles and filters, Homefront didn’t leave them out in the cold. In fact, they are used quite liberally throughout the game. The shaders and textures are high quality, but not incredible. They are about on par with the bitmaps in Killzone (If you looked really close at anything in Killzone, you know what I’m talking about). As far as character design… its ok, but it sure isn’t Uncharted. Here is a pointer, don’t look at child models… You will find yourself wanting to shoot them. As far as gameplay goes, there are quite a few weapons. All of which are VERY satisfying to use. They look good and represent real guns. You get grenades and C4, but I think the best thing is Goliath. Goliath is a minigun-wielding, rocket firing UGV. You have a designator. he has the firepower. together, you fuck shit up and watch Koreans fly while screaming funny little death screams.

As far as the technical aspects of the game…. Well lets just say, I hope some patches come out fast. I did my game test on the PC and had a plethora of problems. Lets start with the audio. All the minor sound effects (wind blowing, fire crackling, footsteps) were WAY louder than the characters voices. Whenever I brought up the menu, it would regulate the audio for a few minutes till it would fall back into disarray.  Even though the sound equality was balls out-of-wack, they still sounded pretty good. The optimization was awful. I’m going to assume that its system-specific. On my system, I couldn’t hardly play the game on the lowest settings. Knowing that this must be bullshit, I pumped it up to full throttle and it worked great… I don’t even want to fucking think about how that worked. Other than that, the controls were tight and worked perfectly. For a cover based, headshot style shooter, its very important to have pin controls. If I may say, these controls were indeed pin. Everything snapped well, heads were easily visible, camera drift was well calculated. It was good. Over all (except for a few bugs that I would assume are specific to PC) the game is almost perfectly crafted. No falling through the floor like in Wet.

As for how M it is… Its M. quite M. While on the bus at the beginning, I didn’t even notice that anything important was going on outside until I heard a gunshot and blood splattered all over the window. After that, I noticed mothers and fathers being gunned down in cold blood as their child watched in horror. Screams and crying could be heard at any moment. Body bags everywhere. rotting corpses. The blood that comes off enemies is stringy as visceral. I didn’t notice any gore, but hey, it wasn’t missed very much. According to ESRB, you wont get any decapitation surprises either as the rating only contains “Blood, Strong language, and Violence”. There is language too. Everyone says Fuck. I liked that. Fuck is a fun word. All in all, this game isn’t as gory or disturbing as it is scary and disconcerting on a very deep level. I got shivers several times during my play. The game is scary because all of what happens is ENTIRELY POSSIBLE.

Demo: None. I doubt there will be one either.

Fucked-0-meter:     [*******-__]     7 and 1/2 out of 10

FU Rating:                  [********__]     8 out of 10

Final verdict: This game may actually be too much for some players. Its real. Its in your face. Its fighting in your fucking back yard! I advise this game very heartily.

FU Crystal Ball; Call of Juarez: The Cartel

Thats right! Ubisoft is working on another Call Of Juarez game. This one looks vastly more interesting as it has an epically unexplored story angle:

Modern day cowboys!

That pushes all the right buttons for me, I can tell ya!  Here is the Ubisoft press release

AN FRANCISCO – March 3, 2011 – Today Ubisoft announced product details for Call of Juarez®: The Cartel, set to launch Summer 2011. As the third game in the award-winning Call of Juarez series, Call of Juarez: The Cartel is being developed by Techland® for the Xbox 360® video game and entertainment system from Microsoft, the Sony PlayStation®3 computer entertainment system and Windows PC.

Call of Juarez: The Cartel keeps the unique themes of the Wild West intact while taking gamers on an action-packed adventure set in present day. As with past Call of Juarez games, Call of Juarez: The Cartel is from inception to execution, a Western shooter.

Call of Juarez: The Cartel has a deep and gritty storyline that begins with a fictional drug cartel bombing a U.S. law enforcement agency, devastating the building and killing hundreds of people. The attack is a surprise, leading the U.S. to believe that cartel members had somehow infiltrated federal agencies. In a last-ditch effort, the U.S. puts together a special task force to hunt down and stop the drug cartel. The task force consists of:
- Kim Evans, a gang-affiliated street kid-turned-FBI agent
- Eddie Guerra, a DEA agent with a chronic gambling habit
- Ben McCall, a brutal LAPD detective and descendant of Ray McCall from the original Call of Juarez

As the task force trio searches for the head of the cartel, they’re confronted with a variety of challenges that take them on a journey from Los Angeles, California, through Arizona and New Mexico to Juarez, Mexico. To complicate things further, Kim, Eddie and Ben each have their own personal challenges and demons to face, which makes for a complex and high-adrenaline gaming experience driven by a rich storyline evident throughout the Call of Juarez franchise.

Key features include:
- Three player online co-op with Kim Evans, Eddie Guerra and Ben McCall
- Gamers can play the entire campaign with each of the three characters; each character has his/her own unique story and ending
- Huge selection of weapons including pistols, machine guns, sniper rifles, anti-air weapons and more
- Wide variety of maps and missions including punitive raids, witness protection, undercover missions, and car chases

Additional information will be revealed soon, including details about multi-player and a twist on the three-player co-op storyline.

For more information, to view the trailer, and to pre-order, please visit: http://www.callofjuarez.com and http://www.facebook.com/callofjuarez.

I can’t fucking wait!

Brink new trailer

I feel like a schoolboy about to embark on the wondrous adventures of summer! But then I look at the calendar and realize how much more I have to wait. I have been waiting for Brink since it was announced at E3 2010. Well anyways, its almost here… sort of. And on top of all that, those bastards keep throwing it in our faces with ingeniously well timed trailer releases. A new one was just released and follows this post I personally am very partial to shooters with personality. Art mixed with innovation turns me on baby. With its SMART (smooth motion across random terrain) engine, Brink will feature parkour in heavy amounts. My brother is a hardcore traceur so I am very interested in seeing how accurate Brink’s parkour actually is. It comes out on May 17, 2011 on PC, PlayStation 3, and Xbox 360.

Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness Episode 1

OTRSPOD 1 (PS3, XB360, PC)
Studio: Hothead
Size: Small, about 300 Mb.
Release: May 21, 2008

This little game has the longest title to date on the PSN. As you can see, it is long… Eleven words. Are they compensating for something? No. There is nothing lacking in this game. Its got action, comedy, inter-object sex, and hobos!

Shit just got real

Penny Arcade Adventures is a new endeavor by the acclaimed  Penny Arcade crew. They are responsible for a plethora of good things including their game news blog, comic series (acer 10 years running), a charity called Child’s Play, and their convention: PAX. It only makes sense that a group that this ingrained into the video game industry would eventually make a game themselves. So, The creative minds behind the comic got in touch with Hothead games, and they made OTRSPOD Ep 1 & 2.

I have both episodes one and two, but this review is only going to cover the events of the first game. As a reminder, both episodes can be purchased for the insane price of $3 USD ($1.50 per game) on the PSN.  I doubt you will ever see them this cheap again.

The game starts out with you (you create your own character) raking leaves in your front yard while a disembodied voice yaks at you about “dark evils” and so-forth. Shortly after, a giant robot pwns your house, and thus the adventure begins! You run down the street after the robot and after a brief tutorial, the player teams up with Tycho Brahe, a scholar of Apocalyptic Studies turned detective, and his exceedingly violent partner who fought with the devil, Johnathan Gabriel. The adventure is all shits, giggles, and LOLWUT? moments from then on. The game environment largely consists of steampunk-inspired, top-down (or other off angles), quicktime RPG combat similar Costume Quest. Penny Arcade Adventures is an adventure game which mixes 3D gameplay with 2D interstitials and cinematics. The gameplay consists mostly of seek-and-find puzzles, reminiscent of adventure games, where the player must collect items and return them to a character to advance the plot. They can also collect spare robot parts to upgrade their weapons. Battles consist of a real time combat system similar to the ATB (Active Time Battle) system of Final Fantasy Games, with context sensitive button presses reducing damage or being used to carry out special attacks.

Its great fun. The other high points of this game are the art and the plot/dialogue. The art is mostly hand drawn by the original comic artists. Everything is overly stylized and made to look like a comic its self. The motion graphics are quite neat, and the transitions between comic and 3D models can be almost awe inspiring.

The best part about this game though is the comedic story/dialogue. Its brilliant. The main enemies are little steampunk robots that commit tinny acts of vulgarity due to their evil programming. The… fuck fruit. thats what they are called, Fruit Fuckers.  They… yea… it gets pretty graphic. The hobos are a riot too. They like to urinate on things… And there are lots more comical enemies that will leave you gasping for breath, but I don’t want to spoil too many surprises.

So yes, it may surrise you, but this game is very mature. There is strong language, sexual themes, violence, blood, gore, and adult humor. If you do an overkill move to finish an enemy, they usually get blown into bits, erupting bones and blood. Its great!

Pwn them trash-monsters

Demo: No

Fucked-0-meter:     [********__]     8 out of 10

FU Rating:                  [*******___]     7 out of 10

Final verdict: This is a fun little game. Its great for people who like RPG’s and fans of Penny Arcade. For people unfamiliar with the world of Penny Arcade, this can make you feel a little lost. But on the other hand, it may prompt you to look into the world of Penny Arcade, thus opening up a world of entertainment.

FU Review: Crysis 2

Crysis 2 (PC, PC3, XB360)
Studio: Crytek
Size: Full (disc game)
Release: March 22, 2011

Crytek’s latest PC punishing title is yet another incredible game in a series of industry-revolutionizing games. In those respects, it doesn’t disappoint. It is revolutionary, and it did make my computer cry for mercy.

Fuck shit up, bionically

Crysis starts off with you playing as a marine… you are quickly pwned by unnamed forces, and as you are fading in and out of consciousness, you see the Crysis dude fuck up an aerial assault unit with some big ass gun. After that, you do some weird flashback/parallel event thing, and now you are the Crysis dude. Starting out, you are in a building with bins full of corpses. After that, you play through the integrated tutorial all the while the game is setting the stage for the coming adventure by putting questions into your head that only playing on can answer. The story is thick and immersible and doesn’t reveal any secrets before it is time to do so.  It keeps you guessing. From what I gather with my hands-on time, you are in NYC after some catastrophe that has rendered New York a no-go zone, populated by corpses, PMC’s and you. Here is a hint, the PMC’s don’t like you. So at the beginning, you are lead to believe that it’s some sort of virus outbreak, but that beckons the question: why are you and the PMCs ok? Also, I don’t know where this fits in, but I heard there were aliens…

Crysis has some awesome features, such as the ability to pick up and throw almost any small object. The stealth engine is pin-perfect.  Its not like in Borderlands where if you can see your target, they know where you are. In Crysis, you can sneak up on your target and do a silent kill with your invisibility boon. Thats another high point of this game. This game suits may playing styles: weather you own at cover shooters, run-and-guns, stealth games, or CoD style stuff; you can play to your style in Crysis. The map layouts are varied and give you the ability to experiment with sniper-style gunning or sneaking around. Hell, for the most part, you don’t even have to kill anyone!

Additionally, the subtle nuances of this game are quite nice. The rendering filters set the mood for each scene, with coloring alteration, particle effects, and in-depth lighting coordination. NPC dialogue is insightful and actually worth listening to. It can actually give you an edge in the game, or help you understand the plot. The graphics themselves are just incredible. I couldn’t even play this on the best setting on my ass-whooping PC (i technically could play it, but the frame rate was too low for my liking). Crysis 2 would be very interesting to see on the consoles because the fixed nature of the platform gives the devs a better ability to optimize the game for optimum looks and playability. I usually don’t mention audio, as it usually isn’t a highpoint, but in Crysis, it IS worth mentioning. With well coordinated full orchestra compositions, its music that actually enhances the game instead of just filling your ears with noise. It isn’t exactly soundtrack worthy, but its pretty epic.


Demo: Yes! So far, only an online one on XBL.

Fucked-0-meter:     [******-___]     6+1/2 out of 10

FU Rating:                  [********__]     8 out of 10

Final verdict: Definitely a shooter worth checking out. Its as core a shooter as you can get, but more enjoyable than you would imagine.

Knights Contract Video

HUZZAH! A gameplay video for Knights Contract has emerged and I am impressed. Here it is. Love me.

You don’t know how to rate

Do you know Jack? WELL YOU SHOULD. You Don’t know Jack is a trivia game that makes hysterical jokes about popular culture. The questions, comments, and jokes are: raunchy, discriminative, sexist, and contain course (albeit censored) language. The game has blood and violence… And its only rated T! I was surprised!

I would have to guess that the ESRB had a HARD time rating this one. I know I’m fighting an internal war of epic proportions over the topic. The right side of my brain is firing (and I quote) “CAMEL TOE” at the left, while the left fires back censored swear words. Its an M intended game, marked down for a T audience. Viewers! I command thee to go decide for thineselfs!

Here is a video that may help you decide

The video is by GiantBomb. You can read their whole article here:  www.giantbomb.com

Q-ball head

Crysis 2 Demo for Xbox

Crytek and EA have released a demo for Crysis 2!  This is news to me because… well… I don’t own an Xbox. The demo will be online multi-player… not a story snippet. That seams to be the thing to do these days, eh? I guess multi-player demos are easier to package considering online is stand-alone from most single player game even though they are packaged together. Anyway, I am very pleased to hear that there will be a demo because its rather well known that Crysis was slated PS2 and Xbox, but scrapped because it was so infinitely inferior to the PC version that it was insulting. This will give us a chance to make sure it WORKS on consoles before we buy it.

Unfortunately for PS3 owners (and some Xboxers), the demo is available on the XBL for Gold members. I guess PS3 and PC players will have to rely on reviews.

Read the whole article posted by Crytek here!



Bulletstorm (PS3, Xbox, PC)     Studio: Epic Games     Size: Full (about 15 gigs)     Release: Feb 22, 2011

The PSN bequeathed unto me a magical token of love this last Tuesday. The Bulletstorm demo was released! TWAS EPICAL! HUZZAH!

This is THE most adult game released in recent months. This game is visceral, gory, bloody, obscene, and sexy! You play through the demo with 2 other NPC’s, one is a hot babe. I can only imagine where that leads. Anyway, the dialogue had me rolling around in fits of laughter. I mean, its soooo irreverent. At the end the main character calls you “dick-tits”. Bulletstorm is the pulp-scifi game I have been craving. It has HUGE guns, aliens, fucking MAD graphics and immortally fun game play mechanics. This really is the love child of Unreal Tournament and Borderlans in so many ways. CAN YOU TELL I’M STOKED FOR THE FULL GAME!?

So the game play is like this: you have fucking huge guns that shoot all kinds of mad projectiles. From the demo, my favorite was the exploding bolo launcher. Bulletstorm has mele assets thrown in (like the slide kick and the punt kick) that varies the combat up a little. The most unique thing though is your tether. It allows you to pitch enemies into the air, yank them towards you, and activate environmental traps. This game encourages original and combo kills. the more smooth and complex the kill, the more points. The more points you have, the sexier you will become! Ok so you don’t get sexier, but you do get bragging rites. At the end of the demo, we are promised online competitive and co-op modes as well as a story for the story mode! How novel. But really, who cares about the story? This is a gore-junkie game!


Bones, bones, bones

Price: $60

Demo: Yes for PS3 and Xbox 360

Fucked-0-meter:     [********__]     8/10

Final Verdict: An incredibly funny, innovative, attractive, irreverent, and enjoyable game. I will be first in line to purchase this on the 22nd. I advise you find your own lines to be at the front of because THIS GAME IS THE SHIT!

All hail the Duke

Well I’ll be a horses penis, Duke Nukem really IS coming back! Now this isnt what I would call ‘breaking’ news as it has been known for several months, but its still new to some people. It deeply saddens me when I talk to people about video games, and they say “Duke who?” Well in this article you will learn everything you need to know about the Duke AND his balls of steel!

It all started with the self titled side scroller in 1991. Since then, Duke has been the hero in over a dozen games: the most famous to date being Duke Nukem 3D. It featured incredible dialogue (to hear some of the best, go here and poke around: http://www.soundboard.com/sb/solrosin.aspx), insane graphics, unbelievably deep story, and strippers! Ok some of that may have been fabricated or over exaggerated… but there were strippers! After that, things went down hill for our hero. His contract expired, he gained wait, and the people of the world forgot there once great hero. This comic strip by Penny Arcade sums up the general sentiment then and now:

Horse WHA?

NOW, 14 years later, the prince of awesome RETURNS IN (drum-roll please)

Duke Nukem Forever!!!


Now if you want more of a game review, you should watch this video here, it explains the game in perfect detail.

Zero Punctuation: Viewer’s Choice: Duke Nukem Forever

Long live the king, baby.


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